things I probably never knew

my mother probably was wonderful and complex and bright and fearful and brave and scared and I probably never knew her heart. I mean...we look at our mothers so harshly...so judgmental. I could write alot of detailed reasons for my suppositions, but I hope to see my mother again some day and I think it's time I displayed some compassion and respect and honor for her...because as I am, I can't imagine she'd want to talk to me or spend time with me. Of course...I don't think she'll be mad at me then...but you never know, right?

Something I do know...I loved her. Not without reservation, but I loved her and wanted her. I don't know why that didn't happen with mine...makes me think there is something truly intrinsically missing in me. Oh, and I know...I want to know my mom and her heart. And I'm glad our hurts will be healed and forgotten. Thank you, Jehovah, for that.